Eight, And Two

FADE IN. Stadium ambience low under.

CARLAWelcome back to Foul Territory. The Honey Badgers have played the Huanca Wankers eight times this season.

CARLAThey have lost eight times.

RAZORAll eight.

CARLAAll eight.

RAZORThere's a thing that happens to a clubhouse, Carla, when you keep losing to the same team. It's not even about the games anymore. You start hearing their bus pull into the parking lot before it's actually there. You see the laundry in the visitor's locker room and your stomach drops a little. It gets in the walls.

CARLAFor context — the Oak Ridge Nukes have beaten Huanca twice this season.

CARLAThe PC Beach Hurricanes are also 0-and-8 against the Wankers.

RAZORSo... the Honey Badgers and the Hurricanes.

CARLACurrently sharing a distinction.

RAZORMm.

CARLAAnd we're just getting started. I'm Carla Streich, with Razor Shines, this is Foul Territory — where no perspectives are out of bounds.

THEME UP, THEN UNDER.

CARLAAll right. Eleven days of new ball. Standings have shifted.

CARLAIron Knob Explosions are 37-and-18 — a game and a half on top after sweeping four straight from Huanca.

RAZORSweeping somebody four straight in June is a statement.

CARLAThe Astleys are second at 38-and-22. Most wins in the league.

RAZORQuietest most-wins-in-the-league I've ever seen.

CARLAThe Crepe Wrappers, third — 34-and-23. The Wankers and the Slap Daddies are tied at 34-and-24, fourth and fifth depending on how you read the tiebreakers. The Honey Badgers, fifth or sixth, depending — 33-and-24, and they're on a four-game winning streak.

RAZORSix teams in five-and-a-half games. That's the league. Everybody else is in another time zone.

CARLAThe Nukes are 12-and-46. The Hurricanes, 9-and-49.

RAZORLike I said.

CARLAAround the league this week, weekly honors went to Wade Boggs for batter, Roger Clemens for pitcher, Iron Knob for team.

CARLAAnd on this program, we can confirm all three are accurate.

CARLALet's start where the cold open started. Because the Wankers situation is — strange.

RAZORIt is strange.

CARLAFive-game losing streak. Just got swept by Iron Knob — 1, 3, 1, and 1 runs across four games.

RAZORThey didn't get worse, Carla. They got *quieter.*

CARLAAnd their team ERA is the best in the league.

RAZORThat's what I'm saying. They're not losing because the pitching broke. They show up. They perform. They lose anyway.

CARLAHoward Johnson is having quite the season too.

RAZORHe is *doing his job.* Card carrying. Showing up. Top-three home runs. Driving in runs. The team just isn't winning behind him.

RAZORWhen your engine is firing and the wheels won't turn — that's when the manager starts losing sleep.

CARLAIt's a peculiar place for a fourth-place team to be.

RAZORBest ERA in the league, losing five in a row. That's not a contradiction. That's baseball.

CARLARob Dibble hit the IL on the third — out through June 20.

RAZORSometimes the body waves the white flag before the manager does.

CARLADay-to-day became weeks-to-weeks.

CARLAThe team that swept Huanca — Iron Knob — is now 37-and-18 and in first place by a game and a half.

RAZORThey got there on the backs of three pitchers.

CARLAHershiser, Brown, Maddux.

RAZORThat's a postseason rotation in May. Two-oh-three, two-six-two, two-nine-seven. Those aren't just good ERAs — those are guys who *finish what they start.*

CARLAHershiser worked through it again this week.

RAZORHe's becoming a verb. You don't *win* against Hershiser, you *survive* him.

CARLAAnd the rotation has been their rock.

CARLAProducer's telling me we have a caller. Kevin, you're on Foul Territory.

KEVINOh hey — yeah, hi guys, um —

RAZORKevin Marsh, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome back.

KEVINYeah, thanks. Um. I just — quick question? About Iron Knob?

CARLAGo ahead, Kevin.

KEVINOkay so... Hershiser and Brown and Maddux are awesome. Like obviously. But, uh — Blyleven is *thirty-eight,* and he just got back from being hurt? And then their next guy is Chuck Finley who has like a — five-point-something ERA? And *also* is hurt? And then it's Tom Glavine who's, um — I think only pitched thirteen innings? Like, all year?

KEVINSo is that... is that a rotation? Or is that just like, three guys?

CARLAGood observation, Kevin.

RAZORWorld Series teams need four starters they trust by October. Iron Knob has three. Whether they get to four — that's the question this kid's asking. And it's a real question.

KEVINI just — I just wanted to know if I was reading the pages right.

RAZORYou're reading them right, Kevin.

KEVINYeah, okay. Um. Bye.

RAZORHe's got something.

CARLAHe has.

CARLAAll right, Knockemstiff. Two weeks ago we held a funeral for their unfortunate nickname, "Surrenderdaddies."

RAZORThe mourners may want their casseroles back.

CARLAThe Slap Daddies are 5-and-5 in their last ten. Including a three-game beating from the Honey Badgers — 8-2, 10-6, 13-7.

RAZORThat's not even bad pitching getting beat. That's a team that found its level. Bonilla's still doing what Bonilla does. The bullpen still wakes up in cold sweats. Same team — gravity just remembered them.

CARLAFrom 9-and-1 in their last ten to 5-and-5. That's a hard correction.

RAZORI've been wrong before. I've been wrong faster.

CARLANoted.

CARLASpeaking of the team that beat the Slap Daddies three times in a row — the Honey Badgers have won four in a row.

RAZORFour in a row.

CARLA33-and-24. Fifth place — but they're sitting *upright.*

RAZORThey went to Knockemstiff and put up 8, 10, and 13. That'll do something for a clubhouse.

CARLADoug Drabek hit the IL on the fourth. Out through June 20.

RAZORThe Badgers' rotation has been a moving target all season. One more piece on the board.

CARLASixteen days without him.

RAZORThey'll find a way. Teams that are winning find ways.

CARLAQuickly elsewhere — Rick Astleys are 38-and-22, league-leading wins, second place. Quiet, consistent, no fireworks.

RAZORWhen a team's been quiet this long, that's not quiet anymore. That's a personality.

CARLACrepe Wrappers — 34-and-23, third. Holding the position they've held for weeks.

RAZORThat's a team that knows who it is.

CARLAAround the horn — over in Oak Ridge, Rob Deer is hitting an OPS of one-point-one-four-seven.

CARLAWith fourteen home runs.

RAZORWait.

CARLARob Deer.

RAZORRob *Deer.*

CARLAOn the team that is twenty-six games under five-hundred.

RAZORThat is a man swinging like he heard there's an expansion draft and wants to get noticed.

CARLAHe'll be alone with that information.

CARLAAll right. Two weeks ago, Razor — you predicted the first inter-team trade of the season would happen before Memorial Day.

RAZORI did.

CARLAMemorial Day was May 25.

RAZORIt was.

CARLAIt is now June 6.

RAZORYes it is.

RAZORThat's a miss.

CARLAWe'll mark it down.

RAZORI'd like to revise —

CARLAWe won't be doing that.

RAZORFair enough.

CARLARecovery prediction?

RAZORYeah. I've got one. And I think this is the last bold prediction I make for a while.

CARLAOh?

RAZORI'll get to that. Here's the prediction: Howard Johnson finishes top-three in MVP voting. *And* the Wankers miss the playoffs.

CARLABoth?

RAZORBoth.

CARLAThat's two predictions.

RAZORIt's *one story.* The man does everything, the team does nothing, and the thing he does and the thing they don't do happen *together.* That's the prediction. One story, two endings.

CARLAI'll allow it.

RAZORMm. Thank you.

CARLAYou said it's the last for a while.

RAZORI think it is.

RAZORPredictions are for things that *might* happen, Carla. We're past that now. Trades — those are gonna happen. This isn't prediction season anymore. This is anticipation.

CARLAThen the question is — *who.* And *what for.*

RAZORSome teams have arms they can't fit in their lineup. Some teams have bench bats nobody's batted. Somebody's gonna pick up the phone, and the guy who picks it up first is the guy losing the most sleep.

CARLAAnd the guy answering picks up because he's already been thinking the same thing.

RAZORMm. That's how it goes.

CARLAOf course, even with no actual transactions happening, the league community has been... *communicative* this week.

RAZORI've been reading. Not naming names. But somebody's been busy.

RAZORThey know who they are.

CARLAMm.

CARLAWhere are you looking, Razor? When you're looking?

RAZORI'm looking at the Wankers. They've got pitching they're not throwing — depth they can't deploy. I'm looking at the Slap Daddies, where the back end of the bullpen has been a problem since April. The Honey Badgers spent their bench on free agents in May; one more injury and they're starting just anyone healthy. And Iron Knob — well, you heard the kid.

CARLAThat's a lot of motivation in a small league.

RAZORThat's how phones start ringing.

CARLANot yet, though.

RAZOROk, but soon.

CARLAOne last open prediction we'll carry — from Episode 8, mine — that one of our six top teams currently above .500 drops below it before the All-Star break. Three of them are within two games of falling.

RAZORThat one's still alive.

CARLAStand by.

CARLAThat's our show.

RAZORI'm Razor Shines.

RAZORAnd somewhere out there, Mel Kowalski with my Memorial Day prediction circled in red ink —

CARLAAnd I'm Carla Streich. Foul Territory. Barely affiliated, lightly sanctioned, not stopping. We'll see you next week.

THEME UP. FADE.