The Bullpen Is The Season

FADE IN. Stadium ambience low under.

CARLAThe team in first place in the World League of Baseball has lost its season series to the team in second place.

beat

CARLAEight times to three.

RAZORThat's not a hot streak. That's a pattern.

CARLAThe Rick Astleys are 50-and-24. The Iron Knob Explosions are 48-and-24. The Astleys lead the league by one game.

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CARLAThe Iron Knob Explosions are 8-and-3 against the Rick Astleys.

RAZOR...Carla.

CARLAYes.

RAZORSomebody owns a bar tab and somebody owes one.

CARLA(small) Welcome to Foul Territory.

THEME UP, THEN UNDER.

CARLAI'm Carla Streich. With me, as always, Razor Shines. Through June twenty-sixth, World League Baseball Season One. And the standings have done something the standings haven't done in weeks.

RAZORThey moved.

CARLARick Astleys, first place. 50-and-24, six-seventy-six. Ten and zero in their last ten. Eleven-game winning streak coming in.

RAZOREleven.

CARLAEleven.

short pause

CARLAIron Knob Explosions, second. 48-and-24. Six-sixty-seven, one game back. L-one.

RAZORL-one. That's a hangnail.

CARLAKnockemstiff Slap Daddies, third. 46-and-30. Five back. Huanca Wankers, Crepe Wrappers, and Honey Badgers — fourth, fifth, and sixth. Eight-and-a-half, eight-and-a-half, and nine back, respectively.

RAZORThat's the part of the standings that used to be a race. Now it's a parking lot.

CARLANukes are 16-and-58. Hurricanes, 11-and-61.

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CARLARazor, the math has changed.

RAZORIt has.

RAZORWe've been talking about a six-team race for weeks, Carla. I'm not sure that's still the math.

CARLAIt isn't. There's a top two. There's a Knockemstiff. There's a back three. And then there's whatever's happening in Oak Ridge and Panama City Beach.

RAZORTwo. One. Three. Two.

CARLAFour tiers, by inning seven.

RAZORMm.

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CARLAAnd the playoff format, if what we're hearing is right —

RAZOR— six of eight.

CARLA— would make the bottom of that arithmetic a particular distinction.

RAZOR(dry) Some teams are working very hard not to make the playoffs.

CARLA(deadpan) Both of them.

beat — let it land

CARLALet's start with the team that did the moving. Rick Astleys. Eleven-game winning streak. Five different opponents. They outscored those opponents eighty to twenty-four.

RAZORThat's not a hot stretch. That's a team that has decided who they are.

CARLAThe rotation: Bryn Smith — twelve and three. League leader in wins. DeLeon — ten and two. Two-eight-four. And...

small pause

CARLA... Scott Garrelts. Ten and zero. Two-thirty-two earned run average.

RAZORCarla.

CARLARazor.

RAZORI said it in March. I said it in April. I said it last episode and I said we were going to take the victory lap slowly, with dignity.

CARLAYou did.

RAZORWe are now taking that lap at a respectful walking pace.

CARLAMarking it down.

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RAZORThree starters in the top five in earned run average. That's not a team that gets there. That's a team that runs.

CARLAOne more thing on the Astleys, Razor. We mentioned this last episode. We said we'd revisit.

RAZORTell me.

CARLAWhen the Astleys lead after the seventh inning, they are forty-eight and two.

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CARLAWhen they trail after the seventh inning, they are zero and twenty.

RAZOR(slowly) That number got worse.

CARLAOr better. Depending on which side of seven you're on.

RAZORThey do not blow leads. They do not come back from deficits. They are exactly who they are by inning seven. That's not a stat anymore, Carla. That's a personality.

CARLAAn identity by arithmetic.

RAZORAn identity.

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RAZORAnd on the offense — Wade Boggs is leading the league in on-base percentage. Four-thirty-eight.

CARLAMm. One of Mel's three.

RAZORWe owe him that column.

CARLAWe do.

CARLAIron Knob fell to second this stretch. Lost first place by one. Went seven and three in their last ten.

RAZORSeven-three is a fine ten games. It's just not enough when the team in front of you is going ten-and-zero.

CARLAThe two losses worth mentioning — both one-run games. One to Panama City Beach in eleven innings.

RAZOR(small breath) Hm.

CARLAAnd one to Oak Ridge in the back end of a doubleheader.

RAZORTwo one-run games. They don't show up on a scouting report. They just happen.

CARLAAnd yet — Razor.

RAZORCarla.

CARLAIron Knob is eight and three against the Rick Astleys.

RAZORYes.

CARLAThe Astleys lead the league by one game.

RAZORYes.

CARLAIron Knob owns the team that's running away from them.

RAZORThat's a card. That's a card you keep in your wallet. You don't show it. But you know it's there. And the team chasing you — they know it's there too.

CARLAThe rotation stayed elite. Brown — two-fifty-six. League leader in quality start percentage. Hershiser — two-sixty-five. League leader in complete games. Maddux — three-forty.

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CARLAAnd Bert Blyleven, off the injured list — leads the league in walks-per-nine.

RAZOROne walk per nine innings, at thirty-eight years old.

CARLAOne-point-two.

RAZORI'll take it. The man came back better than he left. That's a story.

CARLAStrawberry's hitting two-oh-nine.

RAZORTwo-oh-nine and twelve home runs. He's either changing the game or losing it. There's still no third option.

CARLAKnockemstiff. Forty-six and thirty. Third place, five back. They took three of four from Huanca in this stretch.

RAZORThe Slap Daddies own the Wankers. Seven and one against them this season.

CARLATop three on-base-plus-slugging in the league, all Slap Daddies. Bonilla, Mitchell, McGriff.

RAZORBonilla is hitting three-seventy-two. Slugging six-ninety-seven. He leads the league in average. He leads the league in slugging. He leads the league in on-base-plus-slugging.

CARLAMitchell — thirty-two home runs. Seventy-nine runs batted in.

RAZORAlso leads the league. In both.

CARLAAnd a lineup like that is in third place.

RAZORFive games back.

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CARLATodd Burns. Seven saves on eleven opportunities. Three blown.

RAZOR(knowing) Yeah.

CARLAWe've got a man calling in later who I think will have something to say about that.

RAZORGood.

CARLAAround the league. Huanca, fourth place. Eight-and-a-half back. Three-game losing streak. Got swept in a doubleheader by the Astleys to close.

RAZORThe Wankers are still a different team every series. They lost three of four to Knockemstiff. Split with the Crepe Wrappers. Got swept by the Astleys. They're still eleven-and-zero against Panama City Beach, which is the only undefeated head-to-head in the league.

CARLADavid Cone returns Sunday.

RAZORThat'll help. That'll help the rotation, anyway.

CARLACrepe Wrappers, fifth — though they took two of three from Knockemstiff to close out the stretch. Saberhagen, Clemens, Welch, Key — the rotation has been everything Razor said it would be.

RAZORAnd they're still eight-and-a-half back.

CARLAHoney Badgers, sixth. Forty-one and thirty-three.

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CARLAThree-and-seven in their last ten. They lost a game to Oak Ridge in this stretch.

RAZORSeven to three. That wasn't a close one.

CARLAAnd they split a doubleheader with Panama City Beach the following day.

RAZORThat's a team waiting for something to turn. Doug Drabek is back from the injured list. Montgomery — we'll get to him.

CARLAAnd quickly elsewhere — Dan Gladden of Oak Ridge has a fifteen-game hit streak.

RAZORThat's a good season inside a bad one.

beat — move on

CARLATrade Watch. The deadline is approaching. We're observing. We're not recommending. Four updates from last episode.

RAZOROne.

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RAZORThe Astleys did a quiet thing. They signed John Wetteland. They have Dennis Eckersley converting sixteen of seventeen saves and a nine-four-one save percentage. They did not need Wetteland.

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RAZORThey got him anyway. That's a team in first place adding depth because they can.

CARLATwo.

RAZORThe Wankers' rotation question may have answered itself. David Cone returns Sunday. The hole that opened when he went down is closing on its own. That phone may have stopped ringing.

CARLAThree.

RAZORThe Slap Daddies. The back end of the bullpen is still a soft spot. We just said it. Burns is at seven-of-eleven. If they want to win in October, they're going to need an arm.

CARLAFour.

RAZORThe Crepe Wrappers question is unresolved. They've got the rotation. They've got the bats. They're eight-and-a-half back. Buyer or seller? Carpenter knows. We don't.

CARLAOne word, Razor.

RAZOR...Patience.

CARLAWe'll allow it.

CARLAProducer's telling me we have a call. Mel, you're on Foul Territory.

MEL(kitchen-table voice, slightly winded, papers shuffling) Hi Carla. Hi Razor.

RAZOR(warm) Mel. Welcome back.

MELThank you. I've been listening. Took the doctor's appointments in stride. Donna kept the radio on through all of them.

DONNA(faint, from the other room) I told them not to talk about Bonilla so much.

MELShe did.

RAZOR(small laugh) Noted, Donna.

MELI want to talk about something we've been circling around but not naming directly.

CARLAGo ahead.

MELClosers.

beat

MELI've been doing the ledger. I've got it here. Six teams in the league with regular ninth-inning men. Let me walk you through.

reading carefully

MELJeff Montgomery, Honey Badgers. Twenty saves on twenty-one opportunities. Nine-five-two save percentage. Two-oh-nine earned run average. Best in the league.

RAZORCareer first half.

MELDennis Eckersley, Astleys. Sixteen of seventeen. Nine-four-one.

CARLASteady.

MELGreg Olson, Crepe Wrappers. Eighteen of twenty. Nine hundred even.

RAZORMm.

MELMark Davis, Iron Knob. Sixteen of nineteen. Eight-four-two.

CARLAAlso steady.

MELAnd then — and this is where the column wants to go — Lee Smith, Huanca Wankers. Thirteen saves on twenty opportunities.

RAZORHold on.

MELSix blown saves. Worst blown-save percentage in the league among regular closers.

CARLAThree hundred.

MELThree hundred. And Todd Burns, Knockemstiff. Seven of eleven. Three blown.

beat — papers shuffling, building toward something

MELAnd so what these numbers, when you lay them next to the standings, what they're really saying, when you think about it, is that the —

DONNA(audible from the kitchen, off-mic but clear) You're saying the closer makes the team, dear.

long pause

MEL...Yes. That's essentially what I was going to say.

RAZOR(slowly, warm) Mel.

MELRazor.

RAZORWe are listening to her.

CARLAWe are.

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RAZORKnockemstiff has the loudest offense in the league and a closer at sixty-three. Huanca has Howard Johnson hitting like Howard Johnson and a closer blowing every third save. The Astleys have Eckersley. Iron Knob has Davis.

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RAZORThat's where the standings come from.

MELThe bullpen is the season.

RAZORThe bullpen is the season.

CARLA(small note made) Marking it down.

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MELOne more thing.

CARLAYes, Mel.

MELThe column on the hot corner. I mentioned it last time. I haven't forgotten.

CARLAWe owe it to you.

MELTake your time. I'm in no hurry.

RAZORMel.

MELRazor.

RAZORThank Donna for me.

MELI will.

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MELI'll be listening.

CARLAThanks, Mel.

CLICK

small pause

RAZORThe bullpen is the season.

CARLAMm.

RAZORWe just got handed the back half of the year.

CARLAWe did.

CARLAThat's our show. Eleven in a row for the Astleys. Eight of eleven for Iron Knob when they meet. Three at the top of the on-base-plus-slugging leaderboard playing the same position. Two teams with closers that won't close.

RAZORAnd we owe Mel a column.

CARLAWe do.

RAZORWe'll be back when the simulation gives us the next batch. For Razor Shines, I'm... no, that's your line.

CARLA(small) It is.

CARLAFor Razor Shines, I'm Carla Streich. Foul Territory. Barely affiliated. Lightly sanctioned. Not stopping.

THEME UP. FADE.